Day 16.

I left Thi asleep, hoping she wouldn’t hate me for leaving her. I left my pen beside her in case she didn’t have one. Maybe now she’d have something to do.
I opened the door just enough for me to squeeze through, trying to do so as quietly as I could. Once I closed the door behind me with a gentle, thmp, I started to trudge through the grass when I heard voices. I stopped, something in me wanting to crouch down into the tall grass so I couldn’t be seen. Instead, I just stood there, listening as intently as my dog when he thinks he hears kibble being poured into his dish.
The sounds were coming from my right, away from the direction of the road. They couldn’t have been far. Probably in the woods, only just past my sight.
I had to make sure it wasn’t anything that could disturb, or maybe even hurt, Thi. I felt like I had to protect her. Though how I thought I was going to do that, well, that’s another matter that wasn’t really planned out.
As quietly as I could I made my way through the sea of grass, until I finally reached the edge of the woods. The voices had stopped when I’d gotten about halfway there, but as I pressed myself against a tree, I could hear not far ahead what sounded like a giggle. A woman’s giggle.
Hesitant steps drew me closer, until I saw something.
The tall, dark form I immediately recognized as Konstantine. His back was against a large tree. He was kissing a woman. She looked tall, very slender, curvacious. Long hair was pulled back into a thick pony tale.
I was disgusted at myself for watching, but I couldn’t seem to look away. I felt angry at him, doing this so close by to someone so innocent as Thi. I couldn’t explain my anger, but it was definitely there.
The more I watched, the angrier I got.
Kon’s hands remained stuck in his pockets in some arrogant, cool-mannered pose. The woman, however, was not keeping her hands stationary. They were being quiet adventurous. The passion of her touch matched the passion of her kiss. It was almost as if he was bored with it.
I looked away, wanting to leave, but unexplicably wanting to run up and punch that stupid man right in the face. When I looked back, they had ended up sitting on the ground. Kon’s back was still leaned up against that tree. I saw her hands begin to go lower, towards his belt.
I almost turned to leave in a little bit of disgust when Kon pushed her back and said darkly,
“No, Reese, cut it out.”
She leaned forward again to kiss him, one hand against his chest, the other grabbing his belt again. He pushed her back. Her face grew livid as she sat up straight.
“What the hell’s gotten into you, huh? We used to have a lot of fun together.”
“I have to get back,” Konstantine murmered as he began to stand. Halfway there, he looked in my direction. Our eyes met, and it looked like he either wanted to kill me or kill himself, I couldn’t tell which.
“Kon, baby, don’t–” the woman began. But she saw his expression, his frozen, bent stance. She followed the direction of his glare, caught sight of me, and I swore I saw her lips twist into a smirk. She slowly stood.
I turned and left.
I heard him calling after me. I didn’t care. I hated that he could have been here, making out with some woman, while Thi sat alone in that cold, lifeless building. She defended him. How could she have been so delusional about him? He was a selfish, arrogant, son of a–
“Faires!” He grabbed my arm, stopping my fast pace, spinning me around. I ripped it out of his grasp, tried to keep going. He grabbed my upper arm with a grip that I had no chance of getting out of.
I thought he’d look angry.
But when I saw his face, I fought hard to keep pity out of my thoughts. Because even though the remnants of smeared lipstick still remained, he looked wretched. He was breathing heavily. So was I.
“What were you doing back there?”
I tried to pull loose, couldn’t. “I heard... stuff.” Nice ending. Kudos for the superb lameness that is your quick response time.
“It’s nothing, okay? There’s nothing between–” He stopped short, as if he suddenly realized there was absolutely no reason to be explaining all this to me. He sighed heavily, hanging his head, hunching his posture, still gripping my arm tightly. After a moment of me just standing there, trying to be as far away from him as I could without causing any more physical discomfort to my arm, he straightened up.
“Why do you keep coming back?”
“Because I keep getting dragged further and further into this mess! But no one seems to want to tell me what’s going on!” I suddenly felt a little like my family towards me.
“If you knew half of it, you’d stay away.”
“I’m starting to agree with you,” I replied, staring now at my arm in hopes he’d get the point. I gave a little tug for further inspiration, he finally let go. “But you seem to be the only other person Thi really cares about, God knows why.”
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?” He tilted his head in a menacing sort of way. I was losing that pity had I found a moment ago.
“It means I think you’re a bastard who doesn’t give a crap about her,” I spat back. He grabbed the front of my hoodie, pulled it up. I swore if he went any higher my feet wouldn’t be on the ground.
“You don’t know anything about me!”
With a man much larger and stronger than me having me in such a position, I would have thought my cowardice would have taken over. But somehow, I stupidly found the gall to carry on.
“You keep her locked away in that decrepit building like she’s some sort of pet. You’re all she’s got for company, so she thinks you’re one of the greatest things ever. She just doesn’t know any better.”
“Why can’t you just stay out of our lives?” He shook me.
There was such a ferocity in his eyes now, I couldn’t have said anything if I’d wanted to. After a moment he pushed me back, I barely caught myself.
He stood there, eyes down, his lips taunt.
“I know some things have happened that... well... there won’t be a repeat of last night.”
“And what was last night, huh? Why doesn’t anyone want to explain any of this to me?”
“Call it a bad dream, if you want. I don’t care. Just forget about us.”
“Who is us? Who is that girl in there? Who are you?” I reached in my bag, pulled out that local lore book, opened it, as my bookmark fell out, to the page with the picture of the girl. “Who is this?”
Kon looked up, saw the picture. He had a sharp intake of breath, tried to grab the book but I pulled it away.
“Where did you get that?”
I hesitated. Looked more intently at him. He knew something. He didn’t look surprised that Thi’s picture was in a book. He looked surprised that I had it. “Who is this?”
He made another grab for it, I pulled it away again but immediatley regretted it. Kon lunged at me, I dodged him only just, but before I could turn around he grabbed my hood, jerked me back. He planted a fist in my stomach. I doubled over, falling to my knees as I fought to suck in the air around me. He wrenched the book from my loose grasp.
“Stop sticking your nose in places it doesn’t belong!” He yelled as I finally started to breath again. He grabbed my bag, pulled the other book out. “You’re a damn idiot, Faires. Get out of here. If you come back, I’ll show you what its really like to get on my bad side. Understand?”
I tried to stand, decided it could wait.
“Get up.”
Apparently, he didn’t think I’d tried hard enough.
“Get up!” He grabbed my hoodie, wrenched me up, starting walking, pushing me in front of him until my feet started trying to keep up with him. We walked towards the road, I could feel his breath hot against my ear as he learned forward and hissed,
“You’re not going to have any more problems if you just stay out of our business. Forget about us.” He gave me a final shove onto the road and headed back into the church.


Konstantine is not happy. He came in and it woke me up. I didn’t know Benjamin had gone but when I woke up he wasn’t there. Only Kon at the door. He looked angry.
Sometimes he comes in angry, but then I make him happy. He will sit and talk with me, and I will tell him about things, and he will tell me what they are selling in the shops downtown, and how the shops downtown are doing, if he knows. Sometimes he asks them, but some of them don’t know.
But today he didn’t talk to me. I told him Bejamin had been here, he said he knew, and then I showed him this notebook. He looked very angry when that happend. I asked him what was wrong, he told me that Bejamin wasn’t coming back and that I shouldn’t think about him anymore.
I wonder if they fought outside? I don’t like them fighting. I want them to be friends. I am friends with both of them, and I would like them to be friends, too. But Benjamin is very sensitive I think, and also he likes to know what is going on. Konstantine is sensitive, too, but he doesn’t show it very much. He likes to hide that. He is very good, but I don’t think Benjamin sees that side of him. It takes a while, sometimes. Sometimes you have to go through the outer Konstantine and then you can get to his insides. That is the part that laughs with me. That is the part that holds me close when I’m sad until I fall asleep. That is the part that I know.
Konstantine is sitting by one of the windows at the edge of the pew. He is just looking out that window thinking. Sometimes he does that. He’s been doing that a lot more recently.
I wonder if he knows he has something on his face that is red. I don’t think its very evident, its just a little bit, but I still see it.
I told him, he rubbed his face that is whiskery and probably very scratchy and didn’t say anything back to me.
Maybe he is angry at me? I hope he is not angry at me, that would make me very sad.
I am going to stop writing in this journal for now, that Benjamin gave to me. It was very nice of him.
Maybe someday I can write down the songs that are always playing in my head. Maybe that will help get them out. But I think if they were gone I would be sad.
Maybe Konstantine needs songs in his head, too, to make him happy.